This is a weekly 2 hour group, which focuses on the dynamics of intimate partner violence, available resources and prevention of future violence. Group members provide support and experience to others and are each other’s greatest teachers about systemic issues, resources and coping. The groups focus on personal sharing and psychoeducation. The curriculum is 15-25 weeks depending on individualized need.
Cycle of Abuse
The timeline (from a few hours or days to months) and frequency (once a year or once a week) of the stages within the cycle can vary and be different in every relationship. But, it always follows a specific pattern beginning with:
Stage 1: Escalation
In this stage, the stress from everyday life (i.e. work, kids, money worries etc.) begins to mount and increase in the abuser, building pressure and tension. They start to feel resentful towards the victim and feels that their needs are not being met. At this point, they start looking for any kind of excuse to unleash an angry tirade against the victim. The length of this stage can be as short as few hours or as long as several months.
Stage 2: Violence
Once the tension experienced by the abuser has escalated to a breaking point over a period of time through a series of psychological or verbal abuse, it spills into violent behavior towards the victim and in some cases their children. This stage can also last for few hours to several weeks or months. This stage includes violent outbursts, fights and physical altercations.
Stage 3: Honeymoon
Once the violence dies down, the abuser enters a remorseful phase. In some cases, the abuser simply ignores what happened. But generally, they exhibit extreme guilt over their actions and promise to never do it again. They might beg for forgiveness. They might shower the victim with love, affection and gifts or use threats of suicide to convince the victim to give the relationship another chance. The victim’s feelings of fears may decrease. They may feel confused or guilty about what happened and they believe it will never happen again. After this, a period of relative peace and stability ensue. However, this stage is the calm before the storm. As time goes on, the Honeymoon phase begins to get shorter and shorter until it’s completely gone. The victim is then trapped in an abusive relationship where every matter escalates and turns into a violent or abusive interaction with no peaceful period in between.
Forms of Domestic Abuse
- Physical: The act of inflicting abuse in a physical manner for instance: hitting, punching, kicking, burning, strangling etc. It can also include things like locking the victim out of the house or abandoning them in remote locations with no way back.
- Psychological: The act of making up stories, feeding the victim lies or twisting the truth in such a way as to make the victim question their own sanity and reality. The abuser will manipulate the situation to make the victim feel guilty and feel like they were the instigator of the problem.
- Sexual: The act of demanding or coercing sex and sexual acts against someone’s wishes through force, violence or intimidation. Sexual abuse (especially marital rape) is one of the most common forms of abuse as the abuser does not feel he / she needs the woman’s consent for what they see as their ‘right’. Sexual pictures or videos may also be used to manipulate, blackmail and control the victim.
- Verbal Abuse: Being insulting or hurtful through words, being disrespectful and humiliating the victim in public.
- Economical: This type of abuse aims to limit and curb the victim’s freedom through economic means. This is achieved by keeping the victim under a strict budget where every penny has to be accounted for. This type can be illustrated by taking away credit cards, limiting access to money in the bank, or by preventing the woman from working. By cutting the victim off financially, the abuser is exerting control over the victim’s life and limiting their chances of escaping or becoming independent.
- Emotional: Using lies and emotions to manipulate the victim – making them to feel guilty and to take the blame for the abuser’s behavior.